When I woke up this morning, I was feeling good. Thankful that I slept through the night and woke up to see another day and that my mom did the same. As the full-time caregiver to my 96-year-old mom with dementia, it doesn’t take long for my feelings of frustration and anger to set in. It began with her constantly calling me… you know the same way a 2-year old keeps calling for mommy, mommy, mommy and saying she’s hungry then not eating the food I prepared… fighting and refusing to get cleaned up or change her clothes. But what I have come to realize is in order for me to be better caregiver I have to let go of my anger. (oh really) Here’s what I do.
4 Ways to Let Go of Anger
Anger is a powerful emotion, and it can make you feel terrible. If you push it down without addressing it… it doesn’t go away—it sits there and eats away at you. As a caregiver for someone with dementia, you know there are often legitimate reasons for feeling angry. Whatever the reason it doesn’t help to hang onto it. It is corrosive and can make you bitter, disempowered, or vengeful. All things I don’t want to feel.
Here are some ways I work through my anger and let it go.
1. Write it down
Writing down why you’re angry is powerful. It gets all those resentful and irritated thoughts out of your head and onto paper where you can deal with them. You can write in all caps, curse, and write exactly what you think. Write until you cry; write until it’s all out. Then you can tear it up, burn it, stomp on it, or hit the delete button.
2. Look at the reason why you’re angry
Frequently, the incident that triggered your anger is just superficial. The real reason you’re mad is buried underneath. It maybe their illness, their behavior, or unhelpful family. Is that why you’re mad at mom? Really?
3. Pause and breathe
Before you react with angry words, remember what your mom told you and count to ten. Practice your mindful breathing and consciously let the angry feelings go. Tell yourself you’re not going to give that anger any energy. Keep doing this until the intense feelings subside.
4. Delay acting
Remind yourself that you are not your emotions. The situation will still be there when you’ve calmed down. Then you can deal with it in a thoughtful, appropriate way.
P.S. After a while I gave mom something to eat and she said to me “ You’re the best”
Anger gone!
How do you deal with anger as a caregiver? I know you do from time to time.
Let me know.
Comment below.