“If you don’t have anything nice to say… don’t say anything.” I remember my mom saying that to me as a kid. Well why does she get to say mean and hurtful things to me? Because she has dementia that’s why! But this isn’t about her… it’s about you and me.
Negativity affects our life on every level. It has the power to ruin relationships, increase stress levels, and put you in a funk. The good news is you can fight it by changing your mindset.
Not sure where to start? Check out these 5 ways to protect you from negativity while taking care of mom:
Don’t Take It Personally
Most people act in a certain way based on their previous experiences and current circumstances. When you’re a caregiver for a parent with dementia they can sometimes say mean and hurtful things. Even as an adult the things your parent says can still hurt and make you feel upset. I had to tell myself it’s not mom it’s the disease. Once I said that I had to learn to stop taking things personally and grow a thick skin. I had to learn to make her mean words bounce off like water on a duck’s back. I’m not saying it’s easy … but it is necessary.
Set Boundaries
No matter how hard you try, you’ll never be able to please everyone.
In assessing where your limits are, you’ll feel a range of different emotions like guilt, resentment and discomfort. Two key emotions that signal your boundaries are being crossed are resentment and discomfort. Listen I get it you’re caring for your loved one. You’re sacrificing your life, your children, your other personal relationships BUT there may be times when you feel you’re being taken advantage of, not appreciated, or even being exploited, that’s a sign you’re being pushed beyond your boundaries. It’s time for you to take a time out. Count to 10 or 20, go outside breathe in some fresh air. Remember if someone reacts negatively or tries to hurt you, move on.
Adopt a Positive Mindset
Be grateful for what you have and then seek ways to achieve more. Start a gratitude journal and write a few things every day that will reinforce positive thinking patterns and reduce negativity. Your positive attitude will also inspire others and strengthen your relationships. The more you focus on the good in your life, the more opportunities will arise and you’ll feel better. And really that’s all we’re after.
Find Solutions, Not Problems
Most people tend to focus on the problems they’re facing instead of actively seeking solutions. That results in feelings of guilt and dissatisfaction. Whenever you have a problem, take the steps needed to solve it. The longer you wait, the more obstacles you’ll face along the way. Stay away from people who make a drama out of everything. They’re only wasting your time and energy. Their negativity will affect you sooner or later.
Surround Yourself With Positivity
Build relationships with people who encourage and support you. One way to do this is to join a caregiver support group. This is very important because the group members understand what you’re going through and can offer support when you need it most. Focus on whatever makes you happy and stop feeding the negativity around you. Once you take these steps, you’ll be happier and see new opportunities that you’d otherwise have missed.
Here is quote for you to think about:
“Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.”
— Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
When was the last time your loved one said something mean to you? What did they say and how did you respond? Comment below.